How to use condoms

As a follow-up to my post earlier this week, I want to make sure everybody knows how to properly use a condom. If you’re using one, that’s great, but if you’re not using it right it’s just like you’re not using one at all.

First, pull out a new condom (DON’T REUSE CONDOMS!) and make sure the packaging isn’t opened or damaged. This is very important. A damaged or previously used condom will not work. Make sure it isn’t past the expiration date, either. Also, don’t store condoms in a place where they might get crushed – like a wallet for more than a night.

Once it’s open, figure out which end is the head. Unroll it a little bit to figure this out. It should look like a little sombrero with a rim facing up on the outside. Then, place the condom on the head of the penis. Hold the top of the condom with one hand and unroll it down the shaft with the other. Make sure the penis is erect before you do this, or it won’t work. If it doesn’t unroll all the way to the base of the penis, that’s okay. As long as it covers most of the penis. If it barely fits, lucky you, go get a bigger condom and don’t try to use one that’s too small. Make sure it fits snugly (but not too tight), it’s not inside out, and there’s no holes or anything in it. Double check just to be safe.

Now do what you’re gonna do. Once you’re done, unroll it and slip it off. Tie it up and throw it away. You can’t flush them, so don’t try unless you want to be mopping up your bathroom floor. And, I’ll say this again: DON’T REUSE THE SAME CONDOM. I heard a guy in one of my classes once talking about his “lucky condom”. This is just stupid. Any condom that’s already been used is nothing but unlucky, because it won’t protect you.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering about another myth: No, putting on two condoms will not make it “extra-safe.” In fact, the friction will likely cause them to break. Only use ONE condom! Not ONE brand, I already told you those aren’t good. The capitalization was for emphasis. You know what I mean. Alright, that’s all for now. If you have any further questions about how to use a condom, ask away.